As I’m sure anyone who’s played the game for more than five minutes has noticed, the champions in league of Legends tend to be a little over-the-top by design. That’s not really much of a surprise, if you stop to think about it – these men and women are legends, after all. Of course, not even legends are created equal. Some champions stand head-and-shoulders above their peers, paragons of their respective fields. Today, we’re going to look at a few of those paragons, measured by one quality in particular: manliness.
“Imagine if I had a real weapon!”
We’ll start with one of the oldest champions in the League – Jax, the Grandmaster at Arms. Apparently some secret god of war in disguise, Jax remains the only champion in the league who was actually nerfed through his lore (save perhaps for Kayle, but that doesn’t count). See, Jax’s badassitude on the fields of justice was so overwhelming that the League began talking about setting up special restrictions for him to fight under – otherwise, the playing field simply wouldn’t be level ever again. Jax responded by telling them all to piss off, and sauntering into his next bout with a brass lamppost…which he promptly used to beat all his foes to death.
He still wields that lamp-post to this very day.
“You never stood a chance.”
Next up on our list is the Barbarian King Tryndamere, a man who is literally too angry to die. After losing his tribe to the creature known as Aatrox, Tryndamere made it his mission to prove he was the biggest badass in the Freljord. He visited every single tribe in the region, beating the crap out of the best warriors they could muster. Once he’d managed to prove that there was no one in the Freljord capable of fighting him, he decided to join the League of Legends, where he continues to beat the living hell out of everyone who crosses his path. Eventually, perhaps, he’ll be able to fight and kill Aatrox, but until then, watch out.
The guy’s got a bit of a temper.
“The worth of a man can be measured by the length of his beard and the girth of his belt buckle.”
Like Tryndamere, Olaf is a man who cannot die – though it’s not for lack of trying. This berserker’s whole backstory is that he was a viking born in the most brutal region of the Freljord, the coast of Lofkar. Like many vikings, Olaf’s people are all about finding death in glorious battle – to die a quiet, peaceful death is the greatest dishonor a warrior could possibly experience. Unfortunately, when he read the bones, they told of a long life and a quiet, peaceful death.
To hell. With. That.
Infuriated by the portents, Olaf immediately set out to hunt down and murder every single legendary creature he could find. Unfortunately, none of them proved even the remotest challenge – every time the reaper drew even a little bit close to him, he’d inadvertently kick it in the dick and go on his merry way. Yep.
Oh, and Olaf also has one of the most fantastic skins in the game – Brolaf.
“I’ll drink you under the table, scrub!”
One of the most tried-and-true methods of measuring one’s manhood is with a drinking contest…and Gragas is the undisputed king of drinking contests. This lovable lush has traveled across the face of Runeterra, doling out booze and beatings with equal measure. Apparently, he’s pretty awesome to party with, too – in the recent Freljord update, it was revealed that the rabble rouser at one point came across a deteriorating diplomatic meeting between two Avarosan tribes. Several warriors involved in the discussion began hurling insults at Gragas for intruding. Since drinking clearly wasn’t a suitable solution for this mess, Gragas defaulted to his other go-to course of action:
He bull-rushed the nearest diplomat and caved his face in with a head-butt. Once the brawl settled down, everybody decided that instead of arguing, they’d just get drunk. His work done, Gragas wandered drunkenly off, to parts unknown.
“If at first you do not succeed…please, tell me what it is like.”
The newest entry on our list, Braum might well be the manliest champion Riot will ever design. The only thing more legendary than this man’s moustache is his punches, and the only thing more legendary than his punches is his shield – which used to be an unbreakable door embedded into the side of a mountain. It was in Braum’s way, and was quite possibly the first material he was unable to punch through (so he punched through the mountain instead). That testosterone-fueled backstory isn’t even the manliest thing about Braum – neither is his ridiculously manly moustache or his herculean physique.
It’s the fact that the man’s always got a smile on his face, and a kind word for his foes. This is a guy so secure in his manhood that he doesn’t even need to insult anyone. On a battlefield where eldritch abominations go toe-to-toe with sentient machines, Braum can afford to be friendly…since he’s fully capable of punching out anyone who doesn’t want to accept his goodwill.
“Not Draven; Draaaaven”
[b]Honorable Mentions:[/b] Garen, Darius, Jayce, Jarvan IV, Alistair